Let’s make this fool famous!
Posted March 7, 2012 at 2:07am
I’m starting to realize how much I complain, even if it’s not spoken and it’s just in my head. I mean it feels good for a while letting things out or tearing somebody a new one through sarcasm and/or spite sometimes but after a while I feel like the more I complain, the more I tend to look for more things to complain about. Before I know it I start HATING things or things people do. Then I’m just PISSED OFF cause I have to keep dealing with it. Somewhere deep down I just hope that the problem will resolve itself because they’ll just realize the stupidity of what they’re doing. Of course things don’t work this way obviously. No one can read my mind. I know it doesn’t work like that. WE ALL know that. But we do it anyway.
I had an old friend pick me up from a slump the other day. I don’t think it was anything he said or did. I mean he said a lot of stuff that wasn’t very relavent or didn’t make any sense. But all I can say is that nothing he was saying had a hint of negativity, scorn, gossip, or malice that I described before. He didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear either. It was just pure heart-to-heart talking. I shared some stuff. He shared some stuff. I hadn’t had one of those in a while that wasn’t tainted by mutual dislike towards something. He would just share then I would share.
I don’t know how long I’ve felt this way but I sure as hell wanted to get out of it by now. I’ve become my old roommate. I just haven’t quite taken the time to fully explore why I feel this way. I mean I’m probably not really mad at my professors throwing exams on the same week, or at the amount of crazy drivers cutting me off while texting, or at my roommate who eats all my food and routinely adheres to his simple lifestyle, or at my lack of sleep, or at my sister for not heeding my advice, or at Kristina for asking me a late night favor. I mean those things shouldn’t really affect how I go about living my life. I should have the ultimate choice right? Meh, it all probably just stems from some insecurity I might have for my future or some guilt or regret I haven’t quite let go of yet in the past. Either way it’s affecting my present and I have become bitter. It’s hard not to make it about ourselves. Maybe one day I’ll be able to genuinely let it all go and literally embrace my “problems” with love, patience, and encouragement. Slowly but surely I’ll learn to love like You. I’m sorry to anyone I’ve hurt along the way.
(Source: onlylolgifs, via johnnycupcake)
Okay, so it hasn’t been that great of a day……week….screw it, month for that matter. I don’t even know how February even got here. Yeah I remember Valentine’s day and weekends happening but it was so buried beneath all my work that it sort of weighed everything down.
In my head I kind of always knew something didn’t feel right. I knew this isn’t what I had in my mind when I thought through new years resolutions. I don’t really know what it would take for me to finally break the old habits and start anew. I guess it was getting my disappointing grades back after the first wave of exams, or feeling sick to the point where I would just crave sleep in hope that my headaches would pass, or realizing how achy and stiff my body feels after not being physically active for several weeks, or getting out of class only to realize I have no idea where I parked my car or where my keys are (turns out I walked to class and my keys were in my jacket locked in my apartment), or realizing I was supposed to meet with my roommate to start our one-on-one study this morning. I mean I guess after all that what the final “straw” was realizing it was Lenten season already, and I had not consistently made positive steps in the right direction since the year started. This year Kristina and I decided to give up our time with each other after 7pm this lent hopefully so that we could spend more time with ourselves and God. In addition I have also given up NBA 2k12, complaining, and flaking on people.
Now God knows what that time will ACTUALLY go to but this might be something good…healthy probably. As much as I’m going to hate to not getting to see Kristina at night, tearing at how annoying my professors are, or even escaping into video games, this would give me time to reestablish the relationships I have with other people that I have neglected for no apparent reason other than my laziness. I think it’s time I stopped working for my own selfish or insecure needs and started doing what I said I was going to do this year. I think Jesus deserve more of my attention then I’m giving him. I’m tired of wasting my time on crap.
I guess that’s all for now
Short & Sweet
I used to have long lists of things I’m thankful for but this year I wanna just focus on one thing, my parents. I cannot even fully express how grateful I am for my parents. No one like them can make me feel at home. Always supportive and always loving toward me and my siblings, yet hard and motivating when they need to be. I could not ask for better parents. I’ll admit it now, I’m spoiled as hell because of them and I just pray I won’t turn into a brat/prick cause of it. But if this break hasn’t taught me anything it’s to, as Kristina would say, “be thankful and just take it” or to be even more frank according to my friend, fez, “shut up and let others bless you.” So thank you, Mom and Pa, for everything. Thank you specifically for giving me a peace that will forever motivate me to do my very best in whatever it is I end up doing. Thank you, God, for showing me your grace and love through them. I hope to, from now on, do my best to live each day with the same convictions.
that’s weird
I just realized I could technically graduate a semester early (Fall 2012) if I wanted to…..I don’t know if I want to though. Maybe I’ll look into a visual arts minor and/or spread out my major core classes XD
